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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23439313">Misery Loves Company</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/finsouls/pseuds/finsouls'>finsouls</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>LOONA (Korea Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Mentions of Toxic Relationships, catfish strangers to best friends, mentions of cheating, mentions of divorce, yvesoul establish relationship</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 12:27:17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>10,536</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23439313</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/finsouls/pseuds/finsouls</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Jinsol made a promise to herself, but finding something in her girlfriend's desk brings her to her breaking point. A day spent with a stranger helps her realize what she truly wants.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Ha Sooyoung | Yves/Jung Jinsol | Jinsoul, Jeon Heejin/Kim Hyunjin, Jung Jinsol | Jinsoul &amp; Kim Hyunjin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>148</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Misery Loves Company</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Jinsol spent most of her life trying to avoid becoming her parents. She watched as a kid as their relationship deteriorated in front of her face. She watched what she had once thought to be a loving relationship turn toxic. Her life went from family vacations and movie nights to shouting matches and objects thrown across rooms. Her dad moved to the basement, her mom always went out with friends. She’d find them both drunk and screaming late at night. They’d drag her into it, pull her back and forth as if she were a pawn in their marriage instead of their daughter. She watched them tear their marriage apart; tear their family apart. </p><p>Jinsol had to grow up faster than the kids around her, faster than her friends. She learned to cook and clean and take care of herself because her parents were too busy stoking the flames of their crumbling marriage. Jinsol could still hear their screaming matches that bled late into the night. She heard the accusations, curses; all the skeletons in the closets came out to play, watching as that marriage imploded. </p><p>Jinsol swore that she would never become her parents. She didn’t want long winded screaming matches, broken vases, or words that cut like knives. She didn’t want to look back on a love with anger in her heart. Jinsol already had a tainted view of love because of her parents. Already expected relationships to grow and die like poorly tended flowers. But she made a vow to herself to never become the person that would hurt her partner knowingly. She <em> vowed...</em>but Jinsol of all people knew that vows could be broken. </p><p>She had witnessed her parents break their vows again and again. There was no working through sickness and health, through good and bad. Instead, they stopped. They called it quits. And maybe that would have been okay if they hadn’t destroyed everything as they raced toward the end. Jinsol would have been okay if her parents had just stopped loving each other and got a divorce. But they were hell bent on destroying each other in the process. They didn’t stop to realize they destroyed a part of Jinsol, too. </p><p>Jinsol loved. She didn’t stop just because her parents showed her the ugly side of love. She loved in abundance. She radiated love. Brilliant smiles and kind eyes. She gave love as much as she could. Filled rooms with warmth and radiance. Not a single person who ever met Jinsol felt anything but love and affection. But that love, that affection was shallow. It didn't grow, it didn’t flourish even under the most ideal circumstances. </p><p>Maybe that’s how she ends up here, sitting at a desk that feels far too large for her right now in a room that feels like it’s shrinking with every passing second. Maybe that’s how she ends up looking at this small black box with a shiny ring set in the velvety cushion with her heart hammering in her chest.</p><p>It isn’t supposed to be like this. All Jinsol wanted out of this weekend was to relax, maybe build a gundam or catch up on her dramas. Her girlfriend, Sooyoung, had left a few days ago to help choreograph for an artist. The couple had spent their last night together cuddling on the couch, a bowl of popcorn between them, and a movie on the tv. Jinsol was tucked against her girlfriend’s side, her head nestled in the crook of her neck. Sooyoung’s fingers gently played with Jinsol’s hair, twirling the dark strands between her fingers with careful ease. </p><p>Sooyoung laughed at something from the movie and Jinsol looked up catching the woman’s toothy smile. Her heart stuttered in her chest before falling to a steady beat. Jinsol had never felt as content, as safe, as she did in that moment. Wrapped in Sooyoung’s arms, listening to the steady thrumming of their hearts beating in time. </p><p>“I love you,” Jinsol whispered before placing her lips against the soft skin of Sooyoung’s collarbone. She watched Sooyoung’s smile brighten again. </p><p>“I love you, too.” Sooyoung replied kissing Jinsol’s forehead, eyes drifting back to the tv. </p><p>Jinsol is pulled back to the present at the weight of the box in her hand. </p><p>It isn’t supposed to be like this. </p><p>“Fuck,” Jinsol whispers dropping her head into her hands, black hair creating a curtain around her. She didn’t want to be sitting in her girlfriend’s office in their apartment staring down at the little black box. Jinsol knows that Sooyoung doesn’t want her to have found this yet. But she did. She found the ring buried under several stacks of paper in the desk while she was looking for spare batteries. All Jinsol wanted was new batteries, instead she’s sitting at this enormous desk with the walls caving in around her. That comfort and safety she felt a few days ago shatters. Old memories she had pushed away resurfacing at the mere image of this ring and all it represents. </p><p>Jinsol doesn’t think twice. She stands from the desk abruptly knocking the chair backwards. The sound of wood clattering against the floor echoes through the otherwise silent apartment. Rattling the picture frames lined up on the shelf behind her. A picture of Jinsol and Sooyoung tips over on the shelf, their faces now hidden from view. </p><p>The dark haired woman moves quickly through the apartment, feet thundering against the hardwood as she enters their shared bedroom. Photographs and mementos of their years together fill the room. A swan and a fish stuffed animal sit on the bed next to each other and watch as Jinsol hastily shoves clothes into a bag. She mutters and curses under her breath. Images of sleepless nights as her parents screamed. The thoughts of a broken family and three broken hearts push her to move faster. Sooyoung comes back in the morning and Jinsol doesn’t want to be there. Doesn’t want to be here to face the beautiful woman who has been unfortunate enough to fall in love with her. Jinsol doesn’t have the guts to tell her any of this to her face. </p><p>She can’t stay in this relationship if that’s the end goal that Sooyoung wants. Jinsol can’t give that to her. Hell, Jinsol can’t even fully commit to living with Sooyoung. She still has her own apartment across town. She has her own bank account, own insurance, own phone plan. Just in case. Jinsol and Sooyoung have been together for five years. Their lives are already inextricably tied together, and yet Jinsol can’t bring herself to tie anything else to the brunette. </p><p>Jinsol walks back into the office, eyes glued to the box on the desk. The ring stares back, daunting. A reminder of all the things she wants to avoid, the kind of person she doesn’t want to become. </p><p>“I’m sorry,” Jinsol says, reiterating the two word note that she leaves next to the ring box. The dark haired woman looks back at the apartment, the one she has shared with Sooyoung for three years now, the place that holds so many memories filled with such love…. Tears threaten to spill from Jinsol’s eyes as she flicks the lights off and the door shuts with a heavy finality behind her. </p>
<hr/><p>Jinsol could have easily gone back to her own apartment on the other side of town. She could have taken refuge in her own apartment, away from people, where she could pretend the past five years didn’t happen. Where she could tuck all those memories away in a tiny box and never open it again. Where she could start to move on.  But, instead, she finds herself walking in the opposite direction toward a park she would frequent with Sooyoung on nice days. She sits down on the first empty bench she can find, and cries. Bag at her feet, head in her hands, full bodied sobbing.  </p><p>She doesn’t care about the stares she is bound to get. She doesn’t care about anything at all except the definite breaking of her heart. Jinsol wants to run back home, tear up that note, and pretend she never found the ring to begin with. Except, even those thoughts scare her. She doesn’t want to go back because going back means falling into a marriage she doesn’t want. It means turning into the very person she <em> swore </em> she would never become. </p><p>Her tears have slowed, all that remains are hiccups and a sore throat. She tucks her sleeve around her fist and wipes her tears away furiously. </p><p>“Stupid, this is stupid,” she mutters to herself. “I should’ve gone home.” Her train of thought is broken by the sound of crying. And for a moment she thinks she has started crying again without realizing. Jinsol lifts her gaze and finds a woman on a bench across from her crying into her hands. The sight is familiar and maybe that’s why Jinsol stands from her spot and walks over to the other woman. </p><p>“Hey, um…” Jinsol says as she stands awkwardly in front of the stranger. The woman on the bench sniffles and hastily wipes her face. She forces a smile onto her face, cat-like and disarming. “I, uh, couldn’t help but notice you were crying.” The smile drops from the woman’s face and is replaced by a blank expression.</p><p>“How observant.” </p><p>Jinsol sighs, “can I sit here?” The stranger looks up at Jinsol taking in her disheveled hair and puffy eyes.</p><p>“Sure, misery loves company afterall…” They sit beside each other quietly, not quite sure how to approach this before Jinsol finally speaks up. </p><p>“I’m Jinsol, by the way,” she offers her hand to the other woman. </p><p>“Hyunjin.” Their hands meet, soft and broken smiles greeting each other. Silence falls between them, both Jinsol and Hyunjin stare off into the space in front of them watching as the world keeps moving without them. Trees and flowers blooming around them. Sunlight filtering through the branches of the trees dancing in the wind. </p><p>“Can I ask?” Jinsol finally says, turning to Hyunjin. </p><p>“Why am I crying in the park?” Jinsol nods. Hyunjin sighs, her shoulders drop and her body deflates. “It’s kind of a long story.” </p><p>“The longer the story the longer I can avoid my own problems,” Jinsol shrugs. Hyunjin looks at Jinsol carefully. </p><p>“Only if you tell me your story, too.” </p><p>“It’s only fair,” Jinsol looks away from Hyunjin not being able to stand the intense gaze of the other woman. A few minutes past and Hyunjin still hasn’t spoken, Jinsol is about to prompt her when she finally speaks up. </p><p>“Grab your bag, we’re gonna go somewhere else first.” Hyunjin stands abruptly and looks at Jinsol expectantly. </p><p>“What? Where?” Jinsol mimics her looking frazzled. “Why can’t we stay here?” </p><p>“Do you always ask so many questions?” Hyunjin asks pointedly. “Just get your bag, Jinsol.” </p><p>“Oh my god, you’re gonna kidnap me aren’t you?” Jinsol gasps, stepping away from Hyunjin. “This was all a ploy, oh, god, I’m going to die.” </p><p>“You’re being dramatic, just get your bag, Jinsol,” Hyunjin sighs. “I promise, I’m not going to hurt you.” </p><p>Jinsol squints at Hyunjin skeptically, “pinky promise?”</p><p>“What are we, four?” Jinsol crosses her arms indignantly. “Fine, yes, I pinky promise.” Hyujin offers Jinsol her pinky and seals the promise with the locking of their pinkies. Jinsol’s scowl is immediately replaced with a blinding smile as she trots over to scoop her bag off the ground, hoisting it onto her back. </p><p>“Lead the way, Miss Kidnapper,” Jinsol grins. </p>
<hr/><p>“You brought me to a bar.” Jinsol and Hyunjin stand in front of a brick building near the center of town. Beside her, Hyunjin scoffs. </p><p>“It’s not just a bar,” she says opening the door and ushering Jinsol in. The interior of the bar was dark, but illuminated by neon signs and the bright lights of arcade machines. “It’s a game bar! My friend Hyejoo owns it, wait right here, I’ll go find her and get us set up to play.” </p><p>“Wait—” Jinsol cuts herself off as the other woman is already darting away from her to find her friend. She takes a moment to look around the building at the various games and machines that surround her. There’s chance games, Pac-Man, racing games, and even a virtual reality arena near the back wall. Jinsol can’t believe she’s lived in the area this long and has never been to this place before. Granted, she hasn’t been to any kind of arcade since she was a kid. Plus, Jinsol doesn’t think the name <em> Wolf’s Lair </em>is really a place she thinks she would just walk into unless she already knew about it. </p><p>“Okay, so Hyejoo was being a pain in the ass, so we can’t have free drinks,” Hyunjin says from behind Jinsol which makes the taller woman jump in surprise. She turns to look at her new friend. “But, I got us the first round, and game play is free with drinks so…” </p><p>“I’ll buy the next round, don’t worry about it,” Jinsol takes one of the beers from Hyunjin’s hand and smiles. “Thank you.” </p><p>“I figured this was a better place to get to know each other and share some of our sob stories,” Hyunjin shrugs. “It’s also public so you won’t think I’m gonna kidnap you.” </p><p>“Your friend owns the place and you got me a drink without me watching, odds are still in favor of you kidnapping me,” Jinsol points out. </p><p>“You approached me, remember.” The two remain in a staring match before laughing. Still, Hyunjin takes the first sip of the drink, raising her eyebrow after a moment when she seems fine. Jinsol takes it as a good sign and takes a drink too before Hyunjin drags her over to one of the racing games lining the wall. </p><p>“Get ready to eat shit,” Hyunjin smirks, settling into the chair. </p><p>“We’ll see about that.” </p><p>Five minutes later, Hyunjin has her head on the steering wheel dejectedly. </p><p>“Sorry, kid, you got beat,” Jinsol pats Hyunjin’s back gently. </p><p>“How do you know I’m not older than you!” She lifts her head quickly. </p><p>“I’m twenty-five,” Jinsol says and watches Hyunjin deflate again. </p><p>“Three years older isn’t that much older…” </p><p>“Still a kid,” Jinsol sings as she moves away from the racing game. “You can pick what’s next, see if you can win this time.”  </p><p>That’s how the afternoon went, with Hyunjin and Jinsol playing games back and forth. Hyunjin’s competitive spirit got the best of her two hours later after losing the most recent game — Jinsol somehow is very good at virtual reality shooting games. Hyunjin insisted Jinsol play her in the basketball game and after missing the hoop several times Jinsol gave up. Next to her, Hyunjin got ball after ball into the hoop without missing a single one. The younger girl turned to Jinsol with a cocky smirk. </p><p>“I win!” Hyunjin slams a basketball down on the ground and it bounces back hitting her beer bottle. The pair are too slow to react as the glass bottle hits the ground and shatters. “Oops…” </p><p>“Kim Hyunjin!” A shrill voice screams from the bar. </p><p>“Sorry, Hye!” Hyunjin grins sheepishly, “I’m gonna go get the broom to clean that, Hyejoo’ll make me anyway.” </p><p>“I’ll meet you at the bar,” Jinsol steps away from the mess and takes a seat on the dark stool at the bar. A short blonde appears in front of her, a towel slung over her shoulder, and a smile small on her lips. </p><p>“I didn’t know Hyunjin had other friends,” the blonde says, her voice soft and airy. </p><p>“Oh, we’re not really friends,” Jinsol takes a sip from the beer in her hand. The blonde raises an eyebrow, a suggestive smirk appearing. “Oh! No, no, we’re not like that either. We, uh, we just met.”</p><p>“Knowing Hyunjin, you’ll end up back at her place soon enough,” the blonde shakes her head. “I’m Chaewon, by the way, in case you do end up sticking around.”</p><p>“Jinsol, and I have a girlfriend.” The words fall from her lips automatically, but the twist in her gut reminds her that those words aren’t necessarily true anymore. She bites back tears and clears her throat, forcing a smile. “I don’t want to sleep with your friend, she’s too smug.” Chaewon throws her head back laughing. </p><p>“Please don’t, I’d like to keep you around, you’re funny. Yell for me if you need anything.” Jinsol nods and watches as Chaewon wanders down the bar to another customer. Jinsol nurses the beer in her hand, turning it around on the hard wood of the bar too. Her stomach is still in knots from her own slip up. She can’t believe that she forgot all about Sooyoung and the ring in the last couple of hours...though maybe that’s a good thing. Even to her, the break up doesn’t feel final, and maybe that’s because Sooyoung doesn’t know. Sooyoung is going to come back from her business trip thinking she’ll find Jinsol in their apartment...thinking they’re still together. </p><p>Jinsol doesn’t have time to dull the ache in her chest when Hyunjin comes back over to her with a loud thud on the barstool next to her. The younger woman turns to her with a smile on her face only for it to quickly turn into a frown. </p><p>“Oh, no, what’d Chae say about me?” </p><p>“Hm?” Jinsol shakes her head trying to rid it of the toxic cycles of thoughts. </p><p>“You look like you heard the worst news imaginable,” Hyunjin pokes Jinsol’s forehead where her brows are creased. “You good?” </p><p>“Uh, yeah, she just thought we were gonna have sex. Apparently, you make a habit sleeping with strangers.” Jinsol tries to twist her face back into a calmer expression, but she can still feel her heart hammering against her chest. She nearly drops the bottle in her hand because of how clammy her hands have become. Taking a deep breath, she looks Hyunjin in the eyes. “Does that have anything to do with why you were crying earlier?” </p><p>Hyunjin’s eyes widen, but she doesn’t deny it. “That’s...part of it.” Jinsol watches Hyunjin shuffle in her seat, eyes flickering around the bar looking at anything but Jinsol. “Do you—let’s step out to the deck.” Jinsol doesn’t question her this time and follows her out the back of the bar. The deck has a few tables set up, but is otherwise devoid of games or people. She takes a seat across from Hyunjin and just waits. Waits for her to be ready, waits to hear what she has to say. Jinsol doesn’t care at this point if they talk about Hyunjin’s reason for crying earlier, or her sexual habits. At this point, Jinsol just wants anything to distract her from all the scenarios running through her mind about Sooyoung. She can so clearly see the brunette’s pain as she reads the note next to the ring. Jinsol knows Sooyoung won’t believe it at first, that she’ll search the apartment like her girlfriend is playing some kind of sick joke. Jinsol knows Sooyoung will call her a million times, try to find her, probably yell at her for being so insensitive. </p><p>“I don’t know where to start,” Hyunjin finally says breaking Jinsol out of her downward spiral. The older woman takes a deep breath, pushing her own tears away. </p><p>“How’d you end up at the park?” </p><p>“It was the closest place I could run to,” Hyunjin admits looking at Jinsol. “I have a habit of sleeping around, not getting too attached to anyone I date. It’s easier that way, I don’t get hurt that way.” </p><p>“You looked pretty hurt today.” Hyunjin looks up at the sky, the sun peeking out from behind the clouds. She sighs. Jinsol feels it, too. She feels that weight on Hyunjin’s shoulders, a similar weight to the one she’s bearing right now. </p><p>“I guess I was…I—I met someone, she’s beautiful and dorky and makes really stupid jokes.” A fraction of a smile brightens Hyunjin’s face for a brief moment before disappearing. Jinsol listens carefully, her eye still watching the younger woman as she speaks. “Her name’s Heejin. She’s—she’s different. We’ve been seeing each other for a few months. The longest I’ve ever been with anyone. I—we weren’t exclusive, you know? Free to see other people if we wanted to, but I know she never did. I tried. But no one was her, and eventually I stopped sleeping around and picking up random women.” Jinsol sees Hyunjin’s gaze get watery and far away. Her heart aches for them both. </p><p>“So, what happened today?”    </p><p>Hyunjin’s voice comes out quietly, “she told me she loves me.” Her voice breaks at the end, tears brimming in the corners of her eyes. But she doesn’t cry. Jinsol can see her holding herself back in the way that Hyunjin clenches her jaw and looks to the sky, blinking rapidly. “She told me she loves me and I ran away.” </p><p>This time when the words leave her lips, she does let herself cry. Not in the body shaking, gasping for air kind of crying, but the kind that looks defeated. Broken. The kind where there is no real energy left to give to the pain; it’s just there.</p><p>Jinsol slides over to Hyunjin, places her arm around her shoulder, and hugs the younger tightly to her side. The action is meant to comfort Hyunjin, yet Jinsol finds solace in the embrace as well. Jinsol tightens her grip and lets the hole in her chest consume her releasing pent up tears of their own. It’s strange to her how sharing such intimate pain can bring people together, that Hyunjin was just another person crying in a park and now here they are hugging each other and crying. </p><p>Neither are sure how much time has passed when Hyunjin pulls out of the embrace wiping her face on the sleeve of her shirt. “Sorry,” she mutters looking at the wet spot on Jinsol’s shoulder. </p><p>“Don’t be, I was crying in your hair,” Jinsol laughs at Hyunjin’s horrified face. </p><p>“If you got snot in my hair—!” Jinsol laughs louder and pushes the other woman away. “Well, now that I just cried on you, I’d say we’re friends now.” </p><p>“I can work with that.” The pair share a smile. “Um, but it’s only fair that I tell you my story, yeah?” </p><p>“I’m not gonna hold you if you cry, just so you know.” </p><p>Jinsol rolls her eyes. “Anyway, I have a girlfriend, Sooyoung. We’ve been together for five years.”</p><p>“Holy shit, I don’t even have that kind of commitment to my clothes,” Hyunjin’s stares at her with wide eyes. </p><p>“Yeah...she’s been away on business the past couple of days. She choreographs for artists, she’s amazing,” Jinsol smiles briefly, memories of Sooyoung dancing without a care in their living flood her mind. “I found an engagement ring in her desk this morning…” </p><p>“I know why that’s a bad thing for me, but you’ve been with her for five years.” </p><p>“I know, I should be happy, right? She’s beautiful, successful, so incredibly kind. But I—I know enough to know that marriages just crash and burn. They turn relationships into toxic messes, I don’t want that. I can’t do that. She deserves better than someone who won’t commit to her completely.” Jinsol eyes her new friend curiously, but Hyunjin looks just as confused as Jinsol feels.</p><p>“Wait—you left her without her being home to know you left her?”   </p><p>“Uh, yeah…” Jinsol sighs, dropping her head onto the table. “She’s going to be devastated when she gets home and realizes…” </p><p>“Hey, weepy one and weepy two,” Hyejoo calls from the door to the bar. “You’re scaring my customers away, take this sob fest somewhere else.”</p><p>“You’re a great friend, Hyejoo!” Hyunjin yells sarcastically at her friend. Hyejoo flips Hyunjin off as the door closes leaving the two new friends alone. “Well, where to next, Sol?” </p><p>“Not tired of me yet?” </p><p>“Nope, like I said earlier, misery loves company.” </p><p>“In that case, I know where to go,” Jinsol grabs Hyunjin by the hand and drags her off the deck and back out to the main street of the town. The pair have tentative smiles on their faces, despite the red and puffy eyes, no one would know that they were breaking inside. No one except each other. </p>
<hr/><p>Jinsol and Hyunjin walk through the museum not paying much attention to the art on the walls or the sculptures in the rooms as much as they are watching the people. Both women feel heavy after their previous conversation, their troubles weighing on their minds more now that they had let part of their story out. Jinsol dragged Hyunjin to the museum and gardens on the outskirts of town. Her friend’s Jiwoo and Yerim worked there and both promised to get Jinsol in for free whenever she visited. It didn’t take much convincing for Yerim and Jiwoo to let Hyunjin in for free as well, especially when the pair noticed the red rimmed eyes that Hyunjin wore. </p><p>She sent them off with a map and a hug for them both, followed by, “tell Sooyoung I said hi!” Jiwoo didn’t notice Jinsol flinching, but Hyunjin did and she pulled the older woman out of her friend’s view before changing the topic completely. That’s how the duo end up making up stories about all the people that pass by them in the museum. </p><p>Jinsol admits it’s fun creating ridiculous stories about strangers and their struggles, their highs and lows. Hyunjin makes the stories as outrageous as she can, leaving Jinsol laughing louder than is welcome inside the museum. The glares they get are worth the smiles that they are left with and the pain that alleviates. </p><p>Hyunjin points to a man across the room, hunched over on a bench, staring up at a painting on the wall. “He comes here every day and sits in that same spot.”</p><p>“Mm, what’s his name?” Jinsol asks, a hint of a smile on her lips. </p><p>“Soobin,” Hyunjin says with a shrug. “Anyway, he always looks at that painting. He’s going through a divorce and wants to get out of his house. His wife thinks he’s insane because he believes he used to be in a painting.” </p><p>“In a painting?”</p><p>“Yeah, he was turned into a real man from a painting in this museum and he <em> swears </em> it’s that one,” Hyunjin points again at the man and the painting he looks at. “But he can’t figure out how to get back in it.” </p><p>“Maybe he needs to call a wizard or something,” Jinsol says. </p><p>“That’s the thing, he can’t find one.” </p><p>“Hmm, I dunno, I don’t think he’s looking hard enough,” Jinsol looks around the museum. “That woman over there, blonde hair and red sweater? She’s a witch, she could totally help him get back into his home world...in the painting.” Hyunjin scans the crowd following Jinsol’s pointed finger when she spots the woman. </p><p>“Oh, um—” Hyunjin sputters and tries to look away quickly. Jinsol looks at her friend with a frown and then back at the blonde woman who is now approaching them. </p><p>“Uh, Hyun, do you know her?” </p><p>“Why? Is she coming our way?” </p><p>“Yes, and she looks <em> pissed </em>.” Jinsol feels Hyunjin hides behind her more but it’s beyond too late. The short blonde woman comes up to them, arms crossed over her chest.</p><p>“Hyunjin, I see you have a new flavor this week,” the blonde says with a sneer. </p><p>“Jungeun! Oh, wow, didn’t see you there…” Hyunjin pops up from behind Jinsol with a cheeky smile. </p><p>“Right, just like you didn’t see all my calls or messages,” Jungeun glares at Hyunjin before turning her gaze to Jinsol. “Be careful with her, she’s just going to fuck you then leave you.”</p><p>“We’re not—uh, I actually have a—” Jinsol fumbles for the right words under Jungeun’s intense glare. “Hyunjin and I aren’t like that.”</p><p>Jungeun scoffs, “yeah, that’s what she wants you to think, and then you’re sleeping together for weeks, and then suddenly she’s gone.” </p><p>“In my defense,” Hyunjin starts to speak but Jinsol closes her hand over her friend’s mouth.  </p><p>“I’m sure what Hyunjin was actually going to say was an apology, <em> right </em>?” Jinsol gives her a pointed look removing her hand. </p><p>“Um, yeah, I’m sorry Jungeun…” </p><p>“Whatever,” Jungeun rolls her eyes. “You’re a horrible person, all you do is hurt the people around you.” With a final glare, Jungeun storms back over to her friends and they disappear out of the room. Hyunjin’s breathing beside Jinsol quickens, eyes wildly looking around trying to find an escape, her hands reach for Jinsol’s but end up grasping at air. </p><p>“It’s okay, Hyunjin, come on,” Jinsol twines their hands together and guides her out of the museum to the gardens in the back. The older woman does her best to lead them to a more secluded space for sitting Hyunjin down on a bench. Hyunjin tries to keep her usual stoic mask on, tries to hide the glisten in her eyes and the tremble of her lips, but it isn’t easy. It isn’t easy when Jinsol is looking at her with such concern and kindness. Jinsol is crouching in front of the brunette, her hands on her knees watching carefully as Hyunjin tries to breathe. “You’re okay, you’re safe, see? We’re surrounded by all these pretty flowers!” </p><p>“She’s not wrong,” Hyunjin says ignoring her friend’s attempt at distracting her. “I am a horrible person.” </p><p>“No, you’re not,” Jinsol frowns and pushes herself to her feet to take a seat. Her and Hyunjin both look at the rose bushes in front of them and the trees blowing in the gentle wind. Everything around them is so calm; serene. Yet a storm rages within them. </p><p>“You don’t even know me, Jinsol!” Hyunjin yells causing Jinsol to flinch. She takes a deep breath, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to yell at you...but it’s not wrong.” </p><p>“I know you’re a good person, Hyunjin. If you weren’t, you wouldn’t have let me sit with you at the park. You wouldn’t have brought me to an arcade bar and shared some of your story with me. You wouldn’t be here with me right now, helping me,” Jinsol regards Hyunjin carefully. “I’ve known you for what? Six hours? And I can tell you are kind, thoughtful, funny, and you care. You care about people.” </p><p>Hyunjin shakes her head adamantly, “I hurt people! All I do...I hurt them before they can hurt me.” </p><p>“Do you want to hurt them?” </p><p>“What? No, of course not!” Hyunjin stares at Jinsol appalled. </p><p>“Okay, so why do you think you’re so horrible? What made you hurt people?” Jinsol knows she’s going toward the real reason Hyunjin was at the park crying. She wants to dig it up, have Hyunjin lay it out in the open, because it’s clearly hurting her; hurting whatever kind of relationship she wants to have with Heejin. </p><p>“I—I was in a relationship two years ago,” Hyujin starts with a sigh. “Yoohyeon...she was—she was everything to me. Smart, a goofball, so kind, and sweet to me, at least she was in the beginning. We shared a class in college, she sat next to me and let me copy her notes when I zoned out in class. And then we started hanging out outside of class and somewhere along the way I fell in love with her. Her laugh, her smile, her confidence. I thought she was perfect, could do no wrong. We moved in together, we shared all the same friends, my life and her life were just tied together. I was so happy with her and I thought she was happy with me, too.” Hyunjin laughs bitterly. </p><p>“She cheated on you…” Jinsol guesses with a heavy heart. </p><p>“Yeah, but that’s not the worst part,” Hyunjin runs her hands through her hair aggressively. “She cheated on me with some random person from a club the first time.” </p><p>“<em> First </em>time?” Hyunjin nods. </p><p>“The first time, I forgave her. She was drunk, she wasn’t thinking straight, I loved her. She promised it would never happen again and I believed her. When had she ever lied to me? She even told me she cheated, what reason did I have not to believe her? So I forgave her, and we were fine...until I caught her cheating again. I came home from a trip to my parents house to find another woman in our bed with her.”</p><p>“Hyun…” </p><p>The younger woman’s voice began to break as she spoke, “she promised, you know? That the first time was the last time and then I <em> find </em> her in bed with someone else. In <em> our bed </em>. I should’ve ended it there, but I couldn’t. I was so in love with her, so caught up in the person I fell in love with that I didn’t see who she had become.”</p><p>“You forgave her again?”</p><p>“I forgave her again, and again, and again. I lost track,” Hyunjin is crying now. Tears creating rivers down her face, silently rushing. “She left me before I could get the courage to leave her. I swore to myself I would never let anyone hurt me like that again. I never wanted to feel that hurt, that helpless, ever again. I started sleeping around, dating around; never committed to anyone and the moment feelings showed up I ran.”</p><p>“And then you met Heejin,” Jinsol whispers connecting the dots. </p><p>“I met Heejin and I—I think I’ve found someone I want to run <em> to </em>. And I fucked that right up.” Hyunjin wipes her face for what seems like the millionth time that day. “How am I not out of tears yet?” </p><p>“Do you love her?” </p><p>“Yoohyeon?”</p><p>“No, she’s a bitch,” Jinsol says matter of factly. “Do you love Heejin?” Jinsol watches her friend rub her face roughly as she sniffles. Hyunjin looks defeated and scared when her eyes finally meet Jinsol. </p><p>“I do,” Hyunjin admits, her voice barely a whisper. “I love her and I’m terrified.” </p>
<hr/><p>Jinsol and Hyunjin stayed in the garden until closing. She thought maybe this is where they would finally part, the pair had spent an exhausting day together and Jinsol still wasn’t sure what she was going to do. But Hyunjin gripped her hand and dragged her off on one last trip. </p><p>Jinsol didn’t realize that trip was a ridiculously long walk up to a lighthouse on the shore. </p><p>“Hyun, I did not sign up for a hike,” Jinsol gasps as they continue up the rocky path next to the water. There’s a railing beside her, but still, the cliff's edge is right there for her to tumble over. </p><p>“I didn’t sign up to cry on you all day, but here we are.And I still haven’t gotten your story,” Hyunjin says with a pointed glare sent toward Jinsol.  </p><p>“I can’t tell the story if I can’t <em> breathe </em>.” Jinsol collapses on the ground reaching for her friend dramatically. “Hyunjin, go on...without...me.” </p><p>“Alright, but you’ll miss the sunset.” Hyunjin’s voice sounds far away and when Jinsol looks up, the younger woman is almost to the top. </p><p>“That’s just mean! You’d really leave me behind?” Jinsol shouts as she gets up and races after her.</p><p>“Yes,” Hyunjin says when she finally catches up to her. “I thought that was clear by me literally leaving you behind.” </p><p>“I hate you,” Jinsol grumbles. </p><p>“Liar, besides, we made it just in time,” Hyunjin nudges Jinsol. The pair both look out at the shades of red and orange setting the sky on fire. Light dances in the ripples of the waves of the ocean below them. </p><p>“Wow,” Jinsol sighs leaning against the railing embracing the seabreeze. “It’s beautiful.” </p><p>“I come here to think,” Hyunjin admits. “I thought you might like it.” </p><p>“I do,” Jinsol’s voice is quiet in wonder taking in the view. “I love the ocean and sea creatures. There’s so much we don’t know about it. Isn’t that crazy? We know more about outer space than we do about our own ocean.”</p><p>“That’s actually horrifying…” </p><p>“Maybe a little.” Jinsol tilts her head up to the sky, eyes closed, a soft smile on her face, basking in the last remaining light of the day. “I work at the aquarium, I spend most days surrounded by sea creatures, I especially love the fish. That’s where I do my thinking. I sit by the large cylindrical tank in the middle of the main building and just watch the fish swim in circles. I usually have to break in at night, but I have a key and the code. If I leave the door propped open the alarm won’t engage again. But, yeah, this is perfect, Hyunjin. Thank you.” </p><p>The pair fall silent watching as the sun dips slowly into the horizon. For the first time really since that morning, Jinsol thinks about Sooyoung. She thinks about the shitty note she left behind without any explanation at all. </p><p>“My parents had a bad divorce when I was younger,” Jinsol speaks into the wind, eyes trained on the horizon. “I always thought they were the epitome of love, I really looked up to them. But, their divorce was ugly. Screaming matches in the living room, shoes thrown across rooms, doors slamming throughout the day. I watched it all crumble, watched them turn into these vindictive people, and they dragged me into it; made me pick sides. I swore to myself that I wouldn’t ever become like them, that I would love with everything I had, that I wouldn’t turn toxic like they did.” Jinsol feels the poorly tied together pieces inside her snap apart. </p><p>“When I met Sooyoung, I knew I was going to love her for a long time. She just has that presence about her...she smiles and you’re just sucked in. You can’t help it. But even after all these years, I still can’t give myself to her fully. I still have my own apartment even though I never go there anymore. I keep my own life separate from her’s as much as I can because—” </p><p>“You want an escape route.” Jinsol blinks at the sudden comment from Hyunjin. </p><p>“Yeah, I guess you can put it that way…” Jinsol sighs. “I love her, she’s been my rock for the past five years. But the moment I saw that ring...I’m not ready for that. I don’t want that for me, I don’t want to be that asshole that destroys my marriage.”</p><p>“So, you’d rather be the asshole that runs out on your girlfriend without an explanation?” </p><p>“What?” Jinsol pushes away from the railing and looks at Hyunjin.</p><p>“All I’m hearing is that you don’t want to be like your parents, and maybe you’re not like them exactly, but honestly, what you’re doing is worse.” Hyunjin steps toward Jinsol. </p><p>“I’m nothing like my parents,” Jinsol’s voice is no longer wavering with tears. Instead, her voice is steely, eyes ablaze. </p><p>“That’s bullshit and you know it! Maybe you’re not throwing things at Sooyoung or screaming at each other, but you <em> left her </em> without her even fucking knowing! How is that any better than what your parents did? You’re really going to let your parents' mistakes ruin something that could be the best thing that’s happened to you...you’re really going to lose Sooyoung because of that?”</p><p>“You have no idea what you’re talking about,” Jinsol whispers. “Get off your high fucking horse. You’re just like Yoohyeon...all you do is run around and break people’s hearts. You’ve turned into everything you hate.”</p><p>Hyunjin’s gaze turns icy in a matter of seconds. “You’re no better than I am. Sooyoung is better off without you.” </p><p>“Fuck you.” Jinsol doesn’t wait for a response, doesn’t care for one. She can’t breathe, her chest is tight, vision blurry. She breaks out into a run and doesn’t look back. </p>
<hr/><p>Jinsol’s feet carry her to the nearest bus stop just as the sun dips beneath the horizon, the last rays of light disappearing as street lamps flicker on. She’s the only one on the bus as it steers back onto the street toward downtown. The seat creaks beneath her as she shifts, pressing her forehead against the glass. Street lamps and trees fly by. Hyunjin’s words echo in her head. </p><p>Is it true, is she really everything she tried so hard not to become? </p><p><em> Sooyoung is better off without you </em>. </p><p>Maybe she is. Maybe she didn’t deserve Sooyoung in the first place. She definitely doesn’t deserve her now. Not after leaving her a shitty two word note. Jinsol sighs, her breath fogging the glass. She draws a frowny face on the glass before standing and tugging the break line to stop the bus near the aquarium. She needs peace, needs the one place that can clear her head and let her think everything through. </p><p>“Thank you,” Jinsol says to the bus driver as she gets off the bus. The door creaks shut and the bus disappears around the bend into the night. She’s alone again. Under the streetlamp, the expanse of the aquarium spread in front of her. Cars are sparse in the parking lot. Guests are long gone, but Jinsol knows some workers are still around. Many of them know she likes to think by the giant tank. They don’t question it anymore, they just let her be. </p><p>Jinsol sneaks through the usual side door leaving it propped open with a rock behind her. She wanders through the back office hallway, waving hello to two of her coworkers, Haseul and Vivi. Though, they’re too preoccupied with each other to give her more than a short wave. The ache in Jinsol’s chest returns in full force seeing the couple so cozy and happy together. She quickly walks away toward the main exhibit where the giant tank is. </p><p>The dark haired woman passes the sing ray pool and the jellyfish exhibits greeting one of the younger workers, Yeojin. Jinsol stops when she is standing in front of the giant glass cylinder. It’s the center of the room. Dimly lit by the emergency lights that always stay on. The room glowing in a blue hue from the water, wave like patterns casted in the shadows dancing around her. She takes her usual seat on the bench as she watches. Watches the fish swim in the four story giant ocean tank. She sees the nearly 100-year-old sea turtle, Myrtle, swim by before slowly making her way back up to the top. She watches all the coral reef animals, all the stingrays and fish, move around so calmly. </p><p>Jinsol remembers the first time she came here. It was her second date with Sooyoung. The older woman wanted to take Jinsol somewhere special. When Sooyoung heard that she had never been to the local aquarium, she made it her mission to take Jinsol. They spent the whole day there with Jinsol spouting off all the facts she knows about all the animals and creatures they come across. That was the day Jinsol realized she was going to fall in love with Sooyoung. The dancer watched and listened with rapt attention as Jinsol spoke; as she gushed about all the animals they came across. But what really cemented her budding feelings for Sooyoung was that she sat next to Jinsol in front of the giant ocean tank for two hours. They didn’t speak, they just watched as the animals swam past and people walked by. </p><p>She wasn’t used to anyone caring for her passions like that. Her parents spent most of her childhood fighting. Their family trips were turned into matches of who could make Jinsol happier, who could one up the other parent. Her mom and dad didn’t listen when she would talk about fish or ocean life. All they cared about was finding the things that would make it look like Jinsol had the best time. </p><p>She never did. </p><p>Jinsol grew used to being a prop in her parents divorce. She grew used to giving them all her love when all they gave were empty promises and anger to each other. Every relationship she was in she gave them as much of herself as she could, but rarely did they give any back. Or maybe they just noticed Jinsol wasn’t giving her whole self to them; wasn’t giving all the love she held. </p><p>And then came Sooyoung. </p><p>Sooyoung gave just as much back to Jinsol. </p><p>If Jinsol loves in abundance, Sooyoung loves in multitudes. In galaxies. In oceans. Sooyoung loves with a depth and a passion that Jinsol doesn’t deserve; that Jinsol doesn’t think she is capable of. </p><p>Jinsol gave Sooyoung half of her heart, while the older woman gave her whole being. But Jinsol wants to give Sooyoung all the love she can muster. She wants to be worthy of the love her girlfriend has to give her. </p><p>Girlfriend...are they even together anymore? Can they really have broken up if Sooyoung has no idea? </p><p>In front of her a stingray glides by, Jinsol’s eyes follow the graceful form, unshed tears breaking through the surface. </p><p>“What have I done?” Jinsol asks the empty space around her. </p><p>“I was thinking the same thing,” a voice appears beside her. Jinsol is met with a cat-like smile and apologetic eyes.</p><p>“Hyunjin, what are you doing here?” Jinsol slides over on the bench letting her friend take a seat. The women turn their attention back to the serenity within the fish tank. </p><p>“I wanted to apologize, but I don’t have your number.” Hyunjin pauses shifting beside her. “I remember you said you come here to think.”</p><p>“You broke into an aquarium to say you’re sorry?” </p><p>“Technically, the door was already open…” Hyunjin grins at Jinsol. The two share a laugh that slowly dies. Water bubbling and machines whirring cover their silence in a gentle hum. “I’m not sorry for what I said.”</p><p>“This is starting as the worst apology I’ve ever heard…” Jinsol mutters watching a hammerhead shark swim in circles around the school of fish. </p><p>“Shut up, and just listen,” Hyunjin sighs. “I’m not sorry for what I said, but I am sorry for how I said it. You know there is truth to what I said to you.”</p><p>“That I’m worse than my parents? Yeah, I’m starting to agree with that…” Jinsol runs her fingers through her dark hair and sneaks a glance at Hyunjin. “I’m sorry, too. I didn’t need to come at you like that.”</p><p>“No, but you weren’t wrong either.” Hyunjin offers a sad smile, Jinsol copies it. </p><p>“We both suck, huh?” Jinsol says as the duo look back up at the fish. </p><p>“Yeah...yeah, we do.” </p><p>Jinsol drops her head onto Hyunjin’s shoulder. Neither move or speak further. They sit in the quiet hum of the aquarium and take in the simplicity of the ocean creatures swimming. </p><p>A little while later, the pair is still in front of the giant ocean tank. Except now they’re sitting cross-legged on the bench facing each other. Jinsol found a couple bags of goldfish in the bag she packed and now the two are seeing who can catch the most in a row. </p><p>Hyunjin is winning.</p><p>“It feels wrong eating goldfish in front of the fish,” Jinsol says tossing the cracker at Hyunjin. </p><p>“Twelve,” she mumbles as she chews. “It’s not really fish, Sol.” Jinsol shrugs and tosses another goldfish for Hyunjin to catch. </p><p>“Do you really think Sooyoung is better off without me?” Jinsol asks, catching her friend off guard. The goldfish smacks Hyunjin in the face. </p><p>“What?”</p><p>“When we were fighting earlier, you said Sooyoung is better off without me, did you mean that, too?” Jinsol sets the cracker bag down, a frown on her lips. </p><p>“No, I didn’t mean that,” Hyunjin shakes her head. “I was just mad at you, I wanted to hurt you….I seem to do that alot. But, no, I don’t think that.”</p><p>“I don’t think I deserve her.” </p><p>“You don’t think you deserve love in general,” Hyunjin points at Jinsol with a goldfish between her fingers before putting the cracker in her mouth. “If you think every relationship you’re in is gonna fail, it will.” </p><p>“And if you think everyone is going to hurt you, you’re never going to be happy.” </p><p>“Hey, we’re talking about you!” Hyunjin throws a goldfish at Jinsol. “You love Sooyoung, right?” </p><p>“I’ve never loved anyone like I love her,” Jinsol says without hesitation. “She makes me feel safe.”</p><p>“Then why are you running from her? I get that you had a shitty example of what love can be, but you’re just letting yourself turn into a different version of bad love. You love her, she makes you feel safe, I’m sure you do the same for her or she wouldn’t have stuck around for five years.” Jinsol shifts uncomfortably under the younger woman’s intense gaze. “You need to talk to her, not leave a note. Not send a text or whatever. You need to go home and just talk to her.”</p><p>Jinsol fixes a similarly intense gaze on Hyunjin, “then you need to go talk to Heejin.” </p><p>“That’s different.” </p><p>“Is it really, though?” Jinsol asks. “Yoohyeon broke your heart and your trust, and all you’ve done since is do the same to other women. No, don’t try to argue with me. You mess with their feelings and then you leave. Is that what you really want?”</p><p>“I don’t want to get hurt…” Hyunjin looks away from Jinsol. </p><p>“You’re hurting right now! Heejin loves you, you love her. And I know that it’s not always that simple, but it’s a start,” Jinsol scoots forward and grabs Hyunjin’s hands in her own, squeezing them. Hyunjin turns back to her friend. “I’m going to talk to Sooyoung. I’m going to tell her that I’m scared, that I don’t feel like I’m worth loving, that I’m terrified I’m going to ruin us. I’m done running away, Hyunjin, are you?” </p><p>There’s a long beat of silence before Hyunjin speaks. </p><p>“I am.” </p>
<hr/><p>Jinsol and Hyunjin leave the aquarium at four in the morning. With the door firmly shut and locked behind them, the pair share a long hug before breaking away. </p><p>“I’ll text you later, okay? Good or bad, I’m here for you,” Jinsol smiles. </p><p>“Good or bad,” Hyunjin agrees. “Don’t fuck it up.” </p><p>Jinsol rolls her eyes playfully, “you too.”  They hug one more time before disappearing in opposite directions. Jinsol isn’t far from her shared apartment with Sooyoung, and the early morning air feels nice on her skin. She’s scared, her hands shaking, breath shallow. She hopes she can get home before Sooyoung finds the note. Jinsol wants to explain without completely breaking her girlfriend’s heart. </p><p>But, like many things about this entire day, things do not go as Jinsol planned. Or wanted. Because the moment she finally steps through the front door of her and Sooyoung’s apartment she sees her girlfriend’s shoes and suitcase in the hallway. Jinsol sets her bag on the floor, kicks off her shoes, and rushes to the office where she hopes Sooyoung hasn’t been in yet. </p><p>“Sooyoung…” Jinsol says carefully upon seeing her girlfriend on the floor leaning against her desk. In her hand is a crumpled note, tears streaming down her face. “Oh, baby…” Jinsol kneels in front of her girlfriend and takes the note from her hand. </p><p>“I’m sorry?” Sooyoung repeats the note, voice cracking. “That’s all you had to say to me?”</p><p>“I—Sooyoung, please, let me explain.” Jinsol reaches for her, but Sooyoung pushes her away. </p><p>“Fuck you,” Sooyoung yells. “Five years, Jinsol. We’ve been together for <em> five fucking years </em> and all you have to say when you leave me is ‘I’m sorry.’”</p><p>“I came back.” </p><p>“Oh, oh, you came back! How <em> kind </em> of you, better call the fucking news station. Jung Jinsol came back after leaving me with a stupid fucking note! Two words, Jinsol? Is that really all I’m worth to you?” </p><p>“No, baby, no. Please, let me—” Jinsol begs, eyes burning with more tears. She didn’t think she even had it in her to cry anymore. But her heart is breaking watching Sooyoung sob on the floor, watching the hurt and angry bloom in those eyes that used to regard her with such love. Jinsol turned her into this. Jinsol did this. </p><p>“Stop, just stop.” Sooyoung grabs her head with her hands, a loud sob erupting from her. “Damn it, Jinsol, I took an earlier flight to come home to you. I missed you and I wanted to surprise you. I thought I’d find you passed out on the couch in one of my hoodies. I didn’t think I’d find an empty apartment with a two word note on my desk. I guess I got the surprise, huh?” </p><p>Jinsol sits across the room, her back against the wall, knees pulled up to her chest. Sooyoung finally looks up at her, their eyes locking. Pain rips through Jinsol, searing hot, a whimper tumbles out of her mouth. </p><p>“You’ve always had one foot out the door, Sol. Your own apartment, your own phone plan, your own insurance, even though it would save you so much money, you still kept them. I just thought the longer we were together the more you’d realize we would be okay.” Tears slide slowly down her girlfriend’s face. All Jinsol wants to do is wrap Sooyoung in her arms and apologize. “I thought you’d realize we weren’t going to be like your parents…do you see it? How different we are from them?”</p><p>“I may not be like them, but I still—I still left you,” Jinsol answers after a moment, eyes softening as she stares at Sooyoung. “I was so scared that I’d turn into them...and then I saw the ring and everything that I went through with them just came flooding back in. It’s not an excuse, I know I shouldn’t have reacted the way I did, but I panicked.”</p><p>“So, instead of talking to me, you left me.” Sooyoung is calmer as stands up from the ground and walks over to where Jinsol is sitting. The older woman leans against the wall, sliding slowly to the ground, resting beside her girlfriend. </p><p>“Yes,” Jinsol admits softly. Their shoulders brushing against each other propels her forward. “You deserve more than what I’ve been giving you, Sooyoungie. I—I learned a lot today about myself. I met this woman—”</p><p>Sooyoung turns to her girlfriend, “excuse me?” </p><p>“Oh, my god, no, not like that!” Jinsol back pedals. “She’s just a friend, I promise, I would never cheat on you.”</p><p>“You leave me and meet another woman, got it. Okay,” Sooyoung nods slowly, hesitantly. “This better have a good story to it.” </p><p>“Her name is Hyunjin, I met her at the park after I left here…we were both crying. I don’t really know how it happened, but we spent the day together. Sharing our stories, comforting each other. It was nice having a stranger listen to this mess I created, she’s really the reason I came back,” Jinsol shifts so she’s looking at Sooyoung. “She called me on my bullshit and I—I realized that I don’t want to lose you. I love you so much, you make me feel so safe, and loved, and cared for. I always wanted to be the opposite of my parents, I wanted to give my love to everyone, but I only ever gave the bare minimum. You deserve so much more than that.”</p><p>“Why does this still sound like a break up?” Sooyoung asks softly. </p><p>“It’s not, unless that’s what you want…” A small smile falls on Jinsol’s lips. “I want to be better for you, for me, too.”</p><p>“I hate you for leaving me like that,” Sooyoung places her head against Jinsol’s forehead, eyes searching. “I’ve never once thought you were like your parents. I know you’re scared, but I’m here for you, Sol. I will catch you when you fall.” </p><p>“I know you will,” Jinsol sighs. “I don’t feel like I deserve your love, and I’m terrified I’m going to ruin this...but I love you and I promise you, I’m never going to leave you like that again.”</p><p>“At least give me more than two words,” Sooyoung jokes lightly breaking the tension. Jinsol laughs and wraps her arms around her girlfriend’s shoulders. </p><p>“How about three?” </p><p>“Only if it says ‘I love you,’ I’d like to hear those words more,” Sooyoung smiles. </p><p>“I love you.” </p><p>“Mm, I like the sound of that, say it again.”</p><p>“I love you, Ha Sooyoung.” Jinsol tugs her girlfriend closer, lips inches apart. </p><p>“I love you, Jung Jinsol.” Sooyoung closes the gap, kissing her slowly, sweetly. </p><p>“In the spirit of honesty…” Jinsol says, pulling away, “I’m not ready to get married....yet.” </p><p>Sooyoung scoffs, then a grin appears, “as if I’d ask you to marry me...yet.” The couple smiles brightly at each other, new tears in their eyes. Tears of relief, happiness. A weight lifted off both of their shoulders. For the first time in nearly a full day, Jinsol feels like she can finally breathe. </p>
<hr/><p>“Are we sure we trust Heejin to get Sooyoung here?” Jinsol asks her best friend. </p><p>“She’s not an idiot,” Hyunjin says, turning to Jinsol. The pair stand in front of the giant ocean tank at the aquarium late at night. Jinsol wrings her hands trying to stop the shaking. </p><p>“I know, but she’s easily distracted,” Jinsol sighs and catches Hyunjin rolling her eyes. Jinsom remembers when Hyunjin and Heejin had been over two hours late to game night all because Heejin had to stop in front of every shop window on the walk over. Hyunjin wouldn’t dream of rushing her girlfriend, Jinsol has seen that first hand enough times to know better than push them along to their destinations. Jinsol has witnessed the look of pure love on Hyunjin’s face whenever Heejin gets excited over the simplest things. Though Hyunjin would tease her girlfriend about it sometimes, she never stopped Heejin, she just stood back and smiled. Jinsol is just happy knowing that the two women who met under melancholic circumstances have come this far; have faced their fears. </p><p>“Do you have the ring?” Hyunjin asks. </p><p>”Yup,” Jinsol pats her back pocket where a small wooden box waits. “You think she’ll say yes?”</p><p>The younger woman squints at her friend, “seriously? Do you remember how we met?” </p><p>“Unfortunately,” Jinsol smirks, gaining her a swift punch from her friend. Her smile wavers, “I’m just nervous.”</p><p>“Don’t be, Heejin and I will be rooting for you. And if it goes really badly, you can sleep on our couch,” Hyunjin says. “You know, since you sold your other apartment a couple years ago.” </p><p>“Not helping.” Jinsol turns away from the door across the room and looks up at the giant ocean tank. Blue hues spill over the room and Jinsol feels a calm wash over her. Hyunjin steps up beside her. </p><p>“Sooyoung loves you, she stayed even after you left. She’s waited nearly a decade for you to be ready for this, I have no doubt in my mind that she’s going to say yes,” the younger woman squeezes Jinsol’s hand. “Now, stop being a coward and get ready. Our girlfriends are almost here.” Hyunjin steps away toward the door where the other women are going to enter when Jinsol starts to panic. </p><p>“Shit, where’s the ring? Oh, god, what am I going to say? Fuck, fuck, Hyunjin, I’m not—” Jinsol turns to her best friend when the door swings open. And there Sooyoung is. She’s laughing loudly at something Heejin must’ve said. Her eyes crescent moons and her smile brighter than all the stars in the sky. Jinsol’s heart slows, her breathing calms. </p><p>Sooyoung’s gaze falls on the little candles lining the space between them and Jinsol standing at the end of the path. Her smile softens. Heejin gently pushes Sooyoung forward toward Jinsol. The distance felt so short earlier when her and Hyunjin were setting it up. Now, with Sooyoung walking toward her, Jinsol feels time stretching out before her. She isn’t scared anymore, not of time or the commitment. She isn’t scared that she isn’t worth Sooyoung’s love or that she’ll be their ruin. Jinsol is confident that her and Sooyoung will work, because they’re still here. They’re still in love even after Jinsol left. They made it here, to this moment, where Jinsol takes a hold of Sooyoung’s hand and falls to one knee. To this moment where Sooyoung is looking down at her with a watery smile. </p><p>“Jinsol?” </p><p>Jinsol just smiles, “This spot is really special to me. We came here for our second date. You let me talk your ear off for hours about all the fish and just sat here with me watching all the animals swim. I knew then that I was going to fall in love with you. This is where Hyunjin and I decided to run toward what we were afraid of instead of running away. I wasn’t ready then to marry you, to make that step. You have been so patient with me, Sooyoung. You have continued to love me and support me throughout everything, and I hope I have given you even a fraction of what you’ve given me. You have loved me so fiercely, patiently, sweetly. You have shown me how to love well, to love deeply, to love with everything I have.” Jinsol and Sooyoung are both crying. In the corner, Hyunjin and Heejin try to keep their sniffles quiet, but Jinsol can hear them. She smiles, “and I do, I love you with everything I have to give. I love your kindness and the way you think about others. I love when you laugh and your whole face brightens. I love your passion, and your determination. Sooyoung, you have been nothing but understanding and patient with me to get here, to be ready. I can say with so much certainty that I am, that I’m ready to be with you for the rest of my life. So, Ha Sooyoung, will you marry me?” </p><p>Jinsol holds the small box in her hand, popping the lid open to show the ring. </p><p>“Yes,” Sooyoung whispers. “Yes, I’ll marry you.” </p><p>“Did she say yes?” Hyunjin yells from her corner. There’s a thud. “Ouch! Sorry! Continue.” </p><p>Sooyoung and Jinsol laugh through their tears. The older woman pulls Jinsol to her feet and wraps her arms around her shoulders. Jinsol pulls back, resting her forehead against Sooyoung’s. The two get lost in each other’s eyes. The hum of the aquarium and their friends' voices fade away. It’s just the two of them in their own world. </p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>“Well, are you gonna kiss her!?” Heejin’s voice breaks the moment. The newly engaged couple laugh and Jinsol places a chaste kiss on Sooyoung’s lips. </p><p>“I love you so much, Jinsol.”</p><p>“I love you, Sooyoung.” </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>feel free to follow me on twitter @/zags96</p><p>ask me things here: https://curiouscat.qa/zags96</p></blockquote></div></div>
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